How I'm Really Supposed To Be
by verdantStylus
Summary: When he gets home one day Kakyoin takes out his guitar, and begins to play. (Occurs after SDC and EVERYBODY LIVES)


When he gets home one day in August, Kakyoin takes out his guitar, and after a quick glance to ensure that nobody's home, he begins to play.

 _Yesterday_

 _I knew that my reality was different from everyone else_

The words flow from his lips into the evening breeze, soft and easy and smooth from practice to a harmony of birds chirping and traffic and the lines of people making their way home. On the balcony on the 7th floor, there isn't really anyone to hear.

 _Loneliness_

 _Instead of trying to understand others…_

 _I had decided to give up until that day_

His voice swells and the notes dance in the summer air, and he sings a little louder as the sky turns lilac and salmon and the first stars are already appearing in the sky. He accidentally plays the wrong note and he cringes, repositioning his fingers. He continues.

 _The slight tingling of Emerald_

 _I was wondering why I was still living_

He sings. And his voice is high and sweet and he smiles a little. Knowing that the weeks of secret practices and online tutorials has paid off.

He sings. And in his voice he carries every emotion he felt over his 23 years of life, he sings of happiness, warm and comforting. Remembering the journey to Egypt, he remembers growing stronger, so much stronger.

He sings, and he thinks of Jotaro, and his chest fills with the fluttering of butterfly wings. He remembers the warmth of Jotaro's hand in his, or caressing his skin. He thinks of Jotaro's smile, the way his eyes soften and lips curl up ever so slightly when he looks at Kakyoin when he thinks nobody is looking, even though Kakyoin sees it in the reflection of the car windows they walk past. Even though he doesn't need to see it, just feel the way Jotaro's shoulder would bump against his as they walk down a snowing street, clasped hands tucked in Jotaro's coat pocket.

 _I risk my life fighting_

 _I don't regret any of it_

His hair is blowing into his face and he shakes his head to get it out of the way, and he giggles a little, making his voice waver slightly, but he keeps singing, words of determination and loyalty.

 _I swear to not return to the old miserable me_

 _I will protect everything till the end_

 _Because important people are waiting for us to return_

He sings of promises, and Kakyoin thinks of the people he loves, his parents, his friends, Jotaro.

He sings a little louder, and his voice is filled with hope.

 _As I look back at myself,_

 _I think this is how I'm really supposed to be_

As the words taper off, and the strings of the guitar are stilled, he can smell cigarette smoke, wafting from the tenants downstairs, and the smell of a barbecue nearby. He taps his guitar idly, enjoying the slowly darkening sky.

After a few minutes he stands, to make dinner and put his guitar back, when he's startled by the figure on the floor.

"Jojo."

"Mmm?"

"Uh… How… long have you been there?"

A shrug. Jotaro lights a cigarette, hat shielding Kakyoin from his view, and he's thankful he can't see the blush dusting his cheeks.

"Well, I'm going to make dinner. I think we have some extra beef in the freezer."

A nod.

Kakyoin bites his lip, hurrying back to the room to grab the guitar case, he barely makes it to the door when Jotaro speaks again.

"Nori."

"Yes?"

Jotaro's brow furrows, "When did you start playing the guitar?"

"I bought it a few months ago. But I only started practicing a few weeks ago."

"You sing really well."

Kakyoin twirls his hair, furiously willing the warmth to leave his cheeks.

"I'm not that good, really, I just-"

"What was that song about?"

"Uh…"

"Could you sing it again?"

They watch each other, letting the seconds tick past before Jotaro scoots to the side, patting the floor next to him.

Kakyoin shuffles over, sitting back down with his legs crossed, fiddling with the guitar until he realises that stalling isn't going to stop Jotaro from staring at him.

So he takes a deep breath, and begins to sing. As he does, he feels the warmth flooding back into his chest, and he can feel Jotaro leaning on his shoulder, and he knows his lover is listening, clinging to every word.

"I didn't know you could sing so well." he finally says, when the song is over, and Kakyoin puts down the guitar.

"There's a lot of things you didn't know about me, Jojo." Kakyoin replies with a laugh, and it's met by a pair of lips on his, a little chapped but gentle. He smiles, and he knows Jotaro can feel it. He feels a hand each up to cup his cheek, pulling him closer.

They sit in the corner of the balcony, as the sky grows darker still, and they share little whispers and caresses, for a few moments more, simply enjoying the sound of their breaths as the sun sets and the sky shimmers with stars.

—

That night as they lay together, with Jotaro's arms around Kakyoin's waist, and Kakyoin's fingers carding through dark curly hair, he hums, and as he feels Jotaro hug him tighter, he smiles.

 _I swear to not return to the old miserable me_

 _I will protect everything till the end_

 _Because important people are waiting for us to return_

 _I listen to your lame jokes_

 _And laugh at how silly they are_

 _As I look back at myself,_

 _I think this is how I'm really supposed to be…_


End file.
